The correct way to hang a loo roll – Christmas special

toilet roll

short instructional post on how to hang a toilet roll

There should be nothing contentious about how to hang a loo roll but for some reason people often get this simple thing wrong. Toilet rolls should be hung with the loose end on the outside, away from the wall. This makes tearing off a strip with one hand much easier. This post discusses the subject. Note this dialogue only goes as far as the dispensing of the paper from the roll. We do not discuss the subsequent use of the product.

There are only really two aspects to the purchasing and dispensing of a toilet roll that should be considered. The quality of the paper itself and how it is detached from the roll prior to use. A good quality toilet roll as sold in bulk bags from all supermarkets is fine. Choose a price point that suits you. It is usually best to avoid those that claim additional padding or quilting because the thicker paper will mean fewer sheets on the roll with questionable performance benefits. On the other hand you don’t want cheap thin stuff. It doesn’t take long to home in on a product with which you are happy. If Izal is offered don’t touch it with a barge pole, let alone your backside. Mind you I don’t think you see Izal in the shops anymore.

When hanging the toilet roll it should always be done with the loose end facing away from the wall. This allows you to tear off a strip using only one hand. A quick snappy tearing action works really well. In this way you avoid unravelling half the roll. You might occasionally find it useful to rest the edge of the hand on part of the roll whilst tearing with the same hand.

Industrial packs that provide individual sheets of toilet paper should be avoided. Not only are they generally not sold in supermarkets but require special dispensers that look silly in a domestic toilet or bathroom. These dispensers are far from perfect. It is sometimes difficult to extract a sheet if the previous one was not properly removed.

A friend of ours called George once worked for a pharmaceutical company and had a garage full of large rolls of the kind used in pubs and other public toilets. When he left that job he kept his samples and the toilets in his house had large dispensers on the back of the doors. It took two years to use up the supplies before operations could return to normal.

I have nothing else to say about toilet rolls. If you do by all means leave a comment but please keep it clean:)

Below is a demonstration of the correct way to remove paper from a toilet roll.

group hug


by philosopheroNtap

This is an online group hug for people who want to get things off their chests and/or have a hug with others. It’s a lot more sterile than an actual physical hug but better than sitting alone in the darkness…
Come along and get sympathy from others on Facebook.



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philosopherontap the options



The options
philosopherontap Philosopherontap pHilosopherontap phIlosopherontap philLosopherontap philOsopherontap philoSopherontap philosOpherontap philosoPherontap philosopHerontap philosophErontap philosopheRontap philosopherOntap philosopheroNtap philosopheronTap philosopherontAp philosopherontaP ph1losopherontap phil0sopherontap philos0pherontap philosoph3rontap philosopher0ntap philosopheront4p

The challenge
A word of 16 letters – all of which have two variables some of which have three. How many combinations of spellings are there?

phiL0sopherontap – m4k1ng you think

when madness levels reach fever pitch

try the bucket of sand method

Take one large bucket and roughly two thirds fill with sand. Any kind of sand will do so you can choose based on personal preference. Any kind of bucket will also do. It just needs to be able to fit your head in it with some room to spare – we don’t want your head getting stuck do we?  When you feel that the world is going mad around you and you want out for a short period of peace just stick your head in the bucket.

WARNING You should not stick your head in this bucket of sand for longer than you can hold your breath. It would also be sensible to have a friend nearby who can rescue you in case something goes wrong. Have a handkerchief ready to blow the sand out of your nostrils when retracting the head – eyes and mouth should be kept closed.

Why not have a burying your head in the sand party where you and like minded people can take it in turns to put your heads in the bucket. This could be made bearable by the provision of large quantities of alcohol. If getting sand on your kitchen floor (other rooms are available) worries you then you could just cut out the bucket of sand and just have the booze. Ultimately this would have the same calming effect although it should be remembered that both methods offer only temporary relief.

word game

philosopherontap logo featured image

play this at home

This is a game anyone can play at home. Work it out for yourself.





that time on a Friday


when loud music flows

The hour is almost upon us. That hour on a Friday afternoon where responsibilities are discarded and all compasses point to the pub. It’s a strange concept where you look down at the device in your hand and the in built compass steers you towards a beer. Of course the path is well trodden and the compass is unnecessary. Nevertheless its presence is comforting. Makes you believe that were you in a strange place on the Friday afternoon the compass would see you alright.

On this occasion I have some rock classics blaring out on the SONOS courtesy of Spotify. I have been housebound for much of the day and feel the need for release. Hawkwind, Silver Machine, AC/DC Back in Black. I was never particularly into heavy rock as a youth. I can’t say I am now really but this afternoon it is working for me. This new appetite is partly in response to the the fact that I’ve played my Spotify Fave playlist to death. It needs new blood.

For all I know the phone may be ringing or there could be someone at the front door. Well they are too late. The house should be able to make people aware of the receptiveness of its occupants. It would range from yes come on in the door is open to total obliviousness that anyone is there. People could make their own decisions based on this information. Use visual means of communications perhaps instead of audible ones. Or inaudible as the case may be.

escalator by Tref

escalator by tref

A letter to Tom, Hannah, Joe and John

Alright you lot? Just on the Eurostar zooming through the countryside Belgium bound. No idea where we are but I think still in la belle France. I’m listening, very appropriately, to Jacques Brell. There is an announcement but I can’t hear it with old Jacques singing passionately in my ears. Ah coming into Lille je pense.

I thought it was about time you got a collective letter. I don’t have anything particular to say. Mum and I are off out for a cultural Saturday on October 1st. The exhibition of portraits in the Usher Gallery in the morning, lunch followed by an afternoon of talks on local history at the Collection. The latter is art of the Lincoln Book Festival, or similar. Nice to do something like that with your mum.

Mum is a particularly English way of describing Webs. As a dual Irish Welsh national I would of course naturally call mine mam. The same would apply if I was from Newcastle and Liverpewl. It must therefore be a Southern English thing.

Just seen a typical Frenchman was along the platform. V smart suit, nice haircut and towing a suitcase and laptop bag. On his way to do a bit of business. Or returning from the same.

The escalator continues even though there is no-one on it. A bit wasteful. Quite artistic though. I can imagine a display at the Tate Modern comprising of just an escalator. They would have to have double height gallery or indeed just rope off one of the escalators between floors. People could stand and watch the display either at the bottom or the top.

This could potentially cause problems. If there is only one up and one down escalator then people would have to use the lift to go either up or down, depending on the direction of the one used in the display. There could be an issue here with the capacity of the lift. You would need several to replace a single escalator. The only alternative is plan A – build a stand alone escalator in the gallery. Nobody said art was easy. If it was everyone would be a Picasso.

I envisage this display would have a simple card next to it saying “escalator by Tref”. No capital E. Doesn’t need it. That would suggest a start and finish which of course the escalator doesn’t really have. Unless it is switched off but that would undermine the subject.

We would have to see how it goes but we might have to post an attendant at the entrance to the escalator to stop idiots stepping onto the display. Adds to the cost for the gallery but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do and this will not have been a cheap exhibit to put on anyway.

This work is for sale. There is more than one available but each one is signed and individually numbered. People could buy them in pairs and install them as functional escalators in a building of their choice. Their home even. Clearly it would have to be a big home but this is unlikely to be a problem for someone able to afford this work.

It isn’t difficult to envisage a scenario where thousands are sold, making us all rich, and creating a situation where people travel around the world just to “collect” escalators by Tref. I could even do a website that allows people to post pictures of themselves next to any given numbered piece. There could be a hierarchy of fans with the higher statuses reserved for people who have seen more of them than others. Silver, gold and platinum or maybe something denoting the number of floors climbed. The higher the number the higher the status. I think we’ll do it that way.

As I think about it the main escalator display would definitely have to be a riser. This would be far more positive than the down version and is more in keeping with my optimistic outlook on life. The pairing of up and down is also ok but down on its own isn’t. The pairing brings with it a lot more scope for interpretation. The dual version would be called “pair of escalators by Tref”.

The viewing position for the paired exhibit should be from the bottom. It would be a completely different work if viewed from the top. In this respect the piece is very versatile. It is several works of art in one. As I think of it there is even scope for the solo down escalator as it would have associated with it a completely different set of thoughts and emotions to the up escalator. The gallery could decide which one it wanted to display. This may be influenced by whatever else is on display or merely by the physical constrains of the space in which it is displayed.

The question that now springs to mind is whether the same logic can be applied to a lift. The lift brings with it scope for lots more creativity. Different visuals and sounds inside. Perhaps changing as the lift goes up and down. I’m not going to elaborate at this stage of the creativity process but I’d like to consider the idea bagsied.