Staring down the barrel of a gun


trust nobody

You think we live in a nice provincial town. Rarely get any trouble around here eh? Open your eyes. There are instruments of violence all around you. Even here in the bustling tourist heartland of the city known as the cathedral quarter it is possible to find yourself staring down the barrel of a gun. You need to think about what you might do in such situations. Here are a few pointers to get you started.

Trust no one and carry your own means of defense.
Watch your back
Avoid dark alleys
Carry a personal alarm
Carry a concealed gun or blade
Always move about in groups
Stick to well lit highways
Never get out of your car
Don’t live in Emurica
Attend martial arts classes

You have better go prepared. Don’t trust anyone. You could be in for a blade between the shoulders or a cannon ball between the eyebrows.

Happy Christmas from the philosopHerontap security team

Advisory note: Please make sure that any advice you follow is legal in your own jurisdiction. We wouldn’t want the forces of law and order deciding that society would be safer with you in the slammer.

The three servers

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at the castle cafe

Picture the scene. You walk into a cafe. There aren’t many in although it still looks a little crowded because some guy with a pram is blocking access to a chunk of space. I amble up to the small counter glancing sideways at the blackboard. It’s the usual stuff. Latte, flat white, cappuccino, teas of various flavours. I decide on a lah tay.

Behind the counter there are three members of staff, all looking smart is green aprons. I stand there. They stand there. This inanimate state continues for a few seconds. “Quite interesting” I think. I am a customer and they are paid to sell me stuff and,  having handed over my cash, deliver that which is now rightfully mine.

I wasn’t annoyed. Just bemused at the situation. I would quite happily have stood there for ten minutes not being served. The situation had artistic merit. In fact that is what it is. A living work of art. We all stand there, three of the participants being oblivious to the presence of the fourth despite the fact that they are staring right at him.

It was almost disappointing that all three eventually jolted themselves out of their reverie and the person nearest the till, presumably the most junior, took my order.  I moved into another, empty and more spacious room, with my lah tay and awaited a toasted tea cake. The mince pies weren’t ready yet.



the North East wind blows

Chill descends over city. Wind from the North East. Norway. Siberia maybe. Sideways glance into alleyway.  Homeless man huddles. Dirty sleeping bag.

Wind direction for him not good.

Did not stop. Climbed hill home. More coal on fire.

What is wrong with world?